Nostalgia

So I'm in the middle of rewriting my first book. I say rewriting because I started this book when I was around 12 or so and needless to say, my writing skills were liken to the skills of a water buffalo sprinting across an African savanna: Nonexistent. I'm pretty sure the only adjective I knew of back then was "Awesome" or something along the lines of "It was a very hot day" when describing a desert. I went through the book and could barely read it because it literally made me want to yank out my hair in globs and scream at the top of my lungs "LEARN SOME DAMN GRAMMAR!". I had to take at least a two-week break from the book just because I was so overwhelmed with how horrible it was. When I finally returned to the horrible trap that was my novel, I had come to the conclusion that I pretty much had to restart the entire thing and rewrite it in a way that wouldn't make a publisher burn it on his desk after reading the first sentence.

It took me so long to even begin writing it for one reason and that is the word restart. Whenever I hear restart, I think of those times when the computer screen flashes a strange color in the middle of typing a research paper due in only a few hours. You immediately panic and start to realize that everything you've worked for in the passed few hours is over. You are finished and your grades are doomed. Restart is the word that you have to admit when your computer shuts down and your schooling comes to a halt. So deciding that I had to 'restart' my book gave me that exact reaction of curling up on the couch in a fetal position weeping into a pillow. What you see at the top of this post is a picture of the many notebooks I slowly have to chip away at. I believe that's only half of them as two written books are in my front room (a room I seldom venture to for reasons unmentionable).

But I digress. I've always wanted to say that before. Every time I hear someone say "But I digress", I have this moment where things light up and I shout Ah-ha! It just seems so classy.

But I digress even more. I was reading through a notebook and trying to figure out some plot turns when I came across a passage I hadn't read in quite some time. You see, I have this strange habit of having amazing and often frightening dreams. I used to hate them. They keep me from sleeping well and are a constant source of aggravation when I'm exhausted and just want to relax. Yet, as I grew older, I came to love these crazy dreams and sometimes, they are just so off the handle that I have to write them down. I even have repetitive ones (killer whales, resevoirs, rivers, and highways usually) and those are the ones I love the most. When I began writing, I started to have dreams where I placed myself in my main character's place and had adventures in my sleep. That's just what happens when you spent your final hour awake each night writing or reading.

I had this one dream where I left a house to meet a friend, my main character's friend, I believe. It was a very somber dream. For some odd reason, it was the end of the world and many people had died. I forgot to let my dog out (a futuristic pooch with needles for fur I lovingly dubbed Coyote) and had to find him in the jungle outside my house. I sent out my second dog to find Coyote before bending down and looking at this tiny koi fish pond and seeing two koi fish swimming together as if they were mirroring Yin and Yang's colors and relationship. I pointed at the fish and said, "No one's left. Everyone's dead."

That dream always stuck with me and I, at one point, incorporated it into my book. I never dreamed of it again but I often find myself returning to the dream and wondering about its meaning.
Well, now that I've written this long-winded post about Koi fish and dreams, I should be off to either get some sleep or return to my writing after a long day of work and family activities. If I ever expect to achieve this goal of getting published by the time I hit 30, I should at least write a page or two before I crash for the night.
And yes, that is page 95 out of the 95 pages I have written so far in my first book. So much farther to go to meet the 328 I managed to type up from book 5... Back to it!