Writer's Angst: The Sad Parts

One part of writing that I immensely dislike is how much a writer has to involve herself with her work. To effectively write a beautiful and realistic work, a writer has to make her characters relatable to the reader. She can only do this by identifying with the characters, at least in some small way.

So when I get to a sad part in a book, it affects my entire day. I drag myself down from an emotional high and focus my thoughts only on the sadness before me. I force my novel's world to become my world for a day.

It's a dangerous game. Merging fiction with reality is never a smart thing but I feel the only way to write a realistic story is by dragging it into reality.

So right now I'm stuck wishing this chapter was over already. I'm trying to rush through it just so I can entertain joyful thoughts again.

All the while, I'm remembering the idea that a writer is a god and because of that we have to suffer right along with our characters when they falter. It's a fact of reality and fiction and it's one I tend to despise.

Success!

Turns out I had a pretty good writing session last night. I was so tired that I barely recalled what I had worked on until I woke this morning and had time to look over it. It was a lovely scene of revisiting the past and recalling beloved family members.

Here's a quick snippet.

Surrender

"As humans we are instinctively doubtful. We cannot survive if we close our eyes and blindly rush into things. I think this is the reason we bank so much on seeing and believing. It keeps us safe and gives us inarguable reasons to explain the world and what happens around us. There is no question in life if you believe just what you see.

But that is also our flaw. We cannot persevere into the great beyond if we cannot accept what we cannot see. If we are unsure about something, if we doubt what we are told is truth, then we must explain it another way. And with those questions in your head, you can never exist at peace. You are shaken. You are moved. You are the beginning of a revolution.

Who knows what you'll find in that darkness. Who knows if you'll even survive. The only thing we can be certain of is that by letting go of what we see and believe and instead surrender ourselves to something more we can become a being greater than we were created as.Only by shutting our eyes and reaching out into the darkness for something, or someone, to grasp us can we truly begin to find meaning in our existence."

The Fatal Flaw

Every character has one or at least should have one. It's what brings your characters to life and in turn brings your story to life. Some characters have really obvious flaws. You know within a few minutes of meeting them what their flaw is. Others take a little more time. No matter what group your character falls under they all have a flaw.

First off, let's look at what a fatal flaw is. Essentially, a fatal flaw is the character struggling to hold on to an old mindset/behavior/temperament that has long outlived its purpose. Basically, the character has survived up to this point with this flaw because that is what life demands it. However, by the time your story's beginning comes around, that temperament has long overstayed its welcome. The character has come to a point where he no longer needs that mindset. But because he has lived with it so long he's going to hold on to it until life forces him to choose to either remain set in his ways (give up) or adapt to the changes (overcome), which in itself is your crisis (Part of story where the MC is met with an obstacle that threatens his/her beliefs and character and he/she must choose to either press forward or give up).

If a writer isn't quite sure what their characters' fatal flaws are, they should look at the goal or theme of their story. Usually the fatal flaws are the complete opposite of the goal and serve as the antithesis. For example, with my current writing project, I have three main characters. The overall premise of the story is to learn to look passed the scars of the past and see the world waiting on the other side. It's a story of learning to accept what has happened and move on while never forgetting the past. Redemption and rebirth.

So your characters' fatal flaws have to fall under this theme. Ethan, the MC, is struggling to accept his parents divorce, the death of his mother and now the death of his father, and the trials his foster family put him through. He's been scarred and his defense against the pain was building an impenetrable wall of strength around himself. People can't hurt him anymore. At the same time, people can't get close to him. He won't let himself trust people and because of that he won't let down his wall. So he becomes stuck in a rut of self-preservation, making his inability to accept intimacy his fatal flaw.

His SCs have flaws that are similar to his but in different ways. Matt, an employee at the shelter Ethan inherited, is broken in a more literal sense than Ethan. After serving three tours in the marines, he's retired from the corps because of a near-death experience. He is now plagued with night terrors, PTSD, and physical scars from the ambush. Because of this, he rarely adventures out into town and loses most of his friends because of survivor's remorse. He doesn't fear opening up as Ethan does but he does fear judgment. His defense is to put on a very energetic front that distracts from his wounds and keeps people from seeing the real him. If he is to heal as the theme of the book suggests then he must overcome these flaws in order to do so.

Addie is our next SC. She used to be Ethan's best friend before his parents divorced and his mother died, forcing him to move out of town. She is the wife of Matt's best friend Jack. Jack served under Matt in the marines and was killed in the ambush Matt was caught in. Matt managed to rush his body back to base. Addie was left widowed though. She wants to not blame Matt for what happened to Jack and tries to convince herself that she has moved on from losing her husband and puts on a very sweet and lighthearted appearance. Underneath she is full of hate and bitterness. She goes to church but blames God for her loss. She works with Matt at the shelter but blames him for what happened to Jack. She wants to be friends with Ethan just as they were as kids but she doesn't like the guarded person he is now. In order to move beyond her flaws, she has to face her fears and accept what life is now.

Once a writer has a fatal flaw the story itself can fall into place. You can't have conflict without struggle. In order to heal, one must have been wounded. It's the wounds that create scars and it's the scars that must be healed in order for a character to rise from his ashes. Thus, the fatal flaw becomes one of the most important aspects of writing.

She Be Done!

Well, technically, she be done in the sense that I have achieved my 50k goal by the end of November and thus won Nanorimo this year. That means in around 21 days I wrote a crap-ton of words and came up with a novel I love and characters I enjoy getting to know.

Here's the proof!

Ah, sweet victory, you sure are beautiful. There is nothing quite like validating your final word count and having the screen switch to the 'Congratulations, you won!' page. I know I say this every year but I am never competing again!

Until next year of course :)

Here's a quick snippet of the novel-in-progress.

Ingrained Memory

Ever have those songs that you listen to once while doing something and then from that moment on that song reminds you precisely of that moment?

Well, this song ALWAYS reminds me of driving to the library I worked at in high school while drinking Snapple kiwi-strawberry drinks. Every.Single.Time. I can't hear it without thinking of Snapple.

My Overwhelming Religion

Ever have those moments where there are so many thoughts racing through your head that you practically want to scream them out at the top of your lungs?

This, readers, is one of those days.

I went to see Life of Pi last night. I read this book many years ago in high school and it stayed with me for many years. It was the basis of my own religious beliefs. After revisiting its ideals once again, I can't help but sit here and wonder to myself how anyone can believe just one religion.

Why is it that we must be confined to one set of beliefs? Why is it that if we want to be 'true believers' we only follow one religion and ignore the others? Why are we called cheats and flip-floppers when we try to look at other religions and bring their beliefs into our lives?

But I'm not here to just sit around and complain! The truth behind those questions lies in something that is so magically beautiful that it fills my heart. I choose to not just believe in one religion because there are so many wonderful things about all the religions.

How can someone not love the way that in Buddhism (sometimes considered to not be a religion due to no god) the true goal of life is to look inward and see the root of all problems, both within and outside the person? Only by recognizing our weakness can we reach beyond and leave behind our foolish tendencies and become something pure and simple.

In Hinduism, your goal is to reach enlightenment and this can only be achieved through the four main paths. You are not alone in Hinduism. You are part of a great, all-encompassing cycle that repeats until you achieve transcendence. One aspect of this is the belief in noninjury and that is what I bring from Hinduism. I will not kill. I cannot take a life because all life is sacred.

When you bring all these religions together, when you practice their beliefs and expose your mind and body to their customs and teachings, you become something more than just a simple believer. You become something so much more.

That's why I cannot bring myself to believe just one religion. Each religion has its own aspects that are beautiful and respected. By bringing these pieces together, you educate yourself in the ways of the world and the customs of millions of other humans and, in turn, you become xposed to so much more than just what one culture calls acceptable. You rise above judgement and prejudice.

In the end, when I pray I have the comfort that I am praying to the same God that millions of people all around the world in corners of countries I've never seen are praying to, even if that God goes by different names.

Torn

"It's ridiculous really how things end up. For twenty-five years she's been there for me. For eighteen years she helped me stay on time, do my homework, taught me what was right and wrong, and gave me everything she had. She helped me move into college. Went I went overseas, she prayed for me and my squad everyday. When I came home she was right there at the hospital to take care of me. Now here I am. She doesn't even realize I'm here. She doesn't even know she has a son anymore. I reckon keeping her like this is the least I can do to give her as much time as possible."

Writing Update

With it being the day before the holiday and chores begging to be done and responsibilities calling, I'm a tad short on time. So here's a quick update on the novel-in-progress.

A week and a half-ish after starting, I have a tad over 23k words written. It's November 21 and that leaves 27k to be written before the end of the month. We'll see if that happens! Even if I don't win Nano, I still love the book. It's so different to be writing this genre. The plot unwraps in such a strange way that it's still a little bewildering. The only solution I can think of? Just roll with it! Besides, this is my first realistic fiction so mistakes are allowed.

Here's a tidbit from the story. This features Matt, the secondary character and friend to MC Ethan. Matt suffers from PTSD after serving in Afghanistan and having his motorcade ambushed. He's also a little intense. I would say he's most similar to Jace from the Bell Tower series but he is by far the first character of his kind I've written.

            When Matt saw nothing of interest in the fridge, he closed it and spun around as he picked up the scent of coffee. “That’s what I need.”

            One second he was by the fridge and the next he was grabbing a mug from above the coffeemaker and pouring a cup. It only then dawned on Ethan that Matt was probably a little too slim for his height and build. There should have been a few extra pounds on him. But he had no time to worry about food while he grabbed the sugar from the pantry and shoveled three scoops in his coffee.

            Ethan stared at him. “Really? Three scoops of sugar?”

            Matt grinned “I need to wake up.”

Sheriff Mayberry

           The officer parked in front of the office before getting out of his squad car. He waved out at them and headed up to the front door. After living the last seventeen years in the city, this man was the strangest lawman he’d ever seen. His brown uniform was pressed and neatly arranged on his imposing frame. The sheriff’s star hung over his right breast pocket while above it was his name tag of R. Mayberry. Somehow the name fit the owner. His skin was leathery from years in the sun, his hair a dash of salt and pepper over strawberry blonde, and a handlebar mustache so bushy across his upper lip that it looked like the thistles of a wicker broom.

            He nodded his head at him, touching his finger to the faded cowboy hat on his head before he mumbled, “You must be Mr. Williams.”

I Want You to Make Me Feel Again

That's the phrase that keeps ringing in my head for this book. It's an old writing mantra writers use to remind themselves to make a book so moving, so inspirational and tragic and stunningly beautiful, that a reader can't help but be affected.

A Scene Like This Moves Viewers

Writing a realistic fiction is so different from fantasy. In fantasy book, your enemy is clear, especially in my novels. You know that the guy that's committing war crimes and tearing through the nation is your enemy. You know there's something that has to be done to stop him. There's a slow and steady plot as the enemy's plan is revealed and your characters must fight to prevent it from succeeding.

That is so not true with realistic fiction. Your enemy isn't ripping through the nation. He isn't plotting and planning your downfall - at least not proactively. In this story, you have a person with a damaged background suffering PTSD and struggling to survive while he fights to keep a dog shelter from going under. But there's no black and white in this novel. There's no true and clear antagonist or even protagonist. The characters are a host of flawed people with positives and substantial negatives.

The only way I'm charging through this is by reminding myself that I have to make the reader care for each of these characters in a way that will move them when the ending comes. I have to make the reader love them when they do something wise, hate them when they turn their backs on good, and sympathize with them when they stumble.

The healing a character has to go through in a realistic fiction novel is incredibly different from anything I've worked on before. But I'm learning the tricks. Ethan, my MC, must have flaws that keep him from succeeding. The enemy in this novel is not clearly an outside force. It's an inside force that the character must defeat.

At one point in the novel, Ethan speaks of his childhood and has this to say; "When I think about it, I shouldn't be so upset. It's not like getting hit as a kid destroys the world. I need to move on. But when I think about it, for that kid that I used to be, the day I was first hit was the day my world was destroyed."

That is the point of the 'feel' mantra. The writer must make the reader feel as if the story they are reading is the entire world. They have to pray for their heroes. They have to bite their nails and sit on the edge of the seat when they are caught in troublesome places. They have to quietly weep when they are hurt and betrayed. Because when that book ends that world has come to an end and the reader must feel wholly devoted and confident in the ending provided.

Next Writing Project

I decided to try my hand at realistic fiction. This is the first time I've written for this genre. All my past books have been fantasy/adventure so you can imagine how intimidating it is to write something that has to be so grounded and realistic. Here's a brief rundown of the story.

What is the title of the story?
Lazarus Story

What is the synopsis of the story?
Ethan receives a call saying his estranged father has passed away, leaving him with his troubled animal shelter and the staff that runs it. While settling in to his position as shelter manager Ethan is entrusted with a dozen dogs rescued from a dog-fighting ring. He is faced with the task of rehabilitating the dogs before animal advocates claim them, keeping the shelter from drowning, earning the trust of his newly inherited staff, and caring for himself as he fights the demons from his parents' divorce and the troublesome past he spent in the foster system.

Where did the inspiration for this story come from?
It actually came from the life I've led while living on a farm for the last year. I've watched as some animals thrive, others withdraw, and the rest learn to live with the humans they are placed with. I wanted to write a story about how animals and people are both so similar in that they can scar so easily but take so much work to recover. I wanted to use pitbulls as a major plot because they have a terribly mistaken history.

What pushed you to write this story?
I had the idea floating around for a while but shelved it. In the last few weeks, it's really spoken to me and I thought now would be the best time to just go ahead and write it.

Why should people read this book as compared to others?
This book is so realistic that it could just about happen to anyone. Ethan's work with the shelter isn't unrealistic like most animal books. There are successes and failures but it's through these events that humans and animals both develop. If someone likes animals then they will like this book!

Writer's Thoughts: Big Reveals

You know what moment I love most in books? The big reveal. It's that pivotal scene where things come together for the characters and, for the tiniest fraction of time, the world makes sense.

 Book 1's Reveal at the Crisis

Some reveals are typical. They take place at the end of the novel where the character is transformed by all the events leading to this moment. Book 1's reveal was like this. It happened soon after the crisis.

  Book 2's Reveal Near the Middle

Other reveals take place toward the beginning. These ones tend to be smaller and not as monumental and game-changing as the final reveal. This scene from Book 2 has Meika, a desert native, discussing the desert people's view of God as she tries to convince Roan there is a God out there.

 Book 2's Final Big Reveal

This reveal reiterated the first one as Roan comes to terms with the fact that there truly is a god. This is the crisis of the story and still one of my all time favorites. It might even take the cake for being my favorite scene in all my works thus far.

 Book 3's Reveal Near the End of the Middle

This reveal was not the main one for Book 3 but it was important nonetheless as it serves as the main plot to this book. Roan comes across this reveal before the crisis hits. It's different from the others because this reveal was the epiphany of tension in the novel. It all came to this moment where Roan thought he had everything figured out. Unfortunately, after this rather positive reveal he was dealt a terrible blow and his spirit broken. Most reveals tend to set up characters for success. This one not so much.

Book 4's Big Reveal Had Help From Jace

After basically taking a hiatus from the series for a couple books, Jace came back in this final big reveal as he attempted to help Roan describe what he learned as the plot progressed in Book 4. Roan's reveal here was extremely impressive, perhaps the greatest since Book 2. I really enjoyed writing this one.

There are a number of reveals in a novel but only one big reveal. Timing that moment to perfectly coincide with the crisis, climax, and the transformation is a struggle but definitely an art. It's one of my favorite things to write, probably thanks to its difficulty!

Years Later

It's been exactly two years since I wrote this post. You'd think I would have things figured out by now but I'm human and that means I am flawed.

Basically, these days I'm still struggling with faith. I was called to this post today and after reading it I am once again reminded of why I do not see immediate results in life. I'm being called to patience and I have to make an effort to do as I am called to.

Looking Inward

There are some times where I have to stop and wonder how I've gotten myself where I am. This point in my life is one of those times.

The other night I was late doing chores for one reason or another. By the time I finished milking and such, it was hours past sunset and I somehow managed a moment to look up at the sky. It was a perfectly clear night and there were thousands of stars sprinkled all across the skies.

I've seen stars a thousand times before so it isn't like I'm new to the world of stars at night but for some reason I stopped dead in my tracks and looked up at the expanse above me. I just stared.

That's when I realized that I hadn't taken the time to stop and look up at the sky for quite a while. Life has been so hectic and most days by the time I finish chores my only concern is getting inside as quickly as possible. But that night I stood in the dark and watched in awe as the world glistened above me. It was amazing really. It still is. Thousands of stars, all within sight but still only the surface of a galaxy untouchable and unexplored. Here I was, a simple creature, looking at these lights and wondering at both my own mortality and the beauty of the world.

In that moment, it was just me, nature, and God spending a few private minutes together. It wasn't until later that I realized the reason I stopped and stared. It had been too long since I've looked upon the world with wonder.

There was once a time when I could look around me and see beauty in the simplest things. My faith pushed me onward while the world unfolded before me like pages to a book. I meditated, I questioned, and I sought out answers.

I think I've grown complacent. I've settled into a niche and forgotten that there is so much more than just this. I think it's time I force myself to reach out toward God and invest in my religion and then reach out and invest in my community. It's time I come to grips with the world around me and begin searching out new ways to develop and love the world as I once did years ago.

It's funny that such a profound change can be spurred merely by being late to chores and watching the stars at night.

What's In A Name?

A lot actually.

When it comes to writing and selecting a name for characters some people aren't sure where to start. In my experience, I've both had successes and failures with names.

I think the best way to go about naming a character is by doing research. My series is of the type where each book is sprinkled with hints and evidence of a plot that doesn't become entirely clear until the final book. If a reader is keen and watchful they could probably discover the end of the series before they even reached the last book.

Because of this, there are tons of meaning-heavy aspects in the series and names are one way I do this. I want each of my characters to provide a puzzle piece to the series and present an aspect that is different from the rest of the crew.

So let's check out a few of the main characters' names and how they correlate to the story.

1) Roan - Roan's name is actually the same word used to describe the color of a horse. The horse would be a sorrel (red) with flecks of either black, grey, or white in its fur. While this wouldn't make much sense to describe a person, it actually applies to the main character here. He is similar to the horse in the fashion that he is the man responsible for the troubles of the nations. He is a beast of burden, forced by fate to carry the burdens of thousands. He is also red in the sense that he is the first and only flame mage in hundreds of years. The grey, black, and white all come in because he wants to represent every side of the war, from good to neutral to evil.

2) Jace - Jace is actually a variation of Jason but I tend to steer away from that meaning. I actually chose Jace for this character because he is a snarky, rude, impatient, yet fiery, fiercely loyal and passionate best friend to Roan. It's only when Jace is at his side that Roan performs his best, making him Roan's ace out of his deck of friends.

3) Aella - Her name descends from Greek mythology. She technically means "whirlwind" but in the books she has a softer side and personality. She is a whirlwind in the fashion that when she shows up, Roan's world basically changes overnight as her beliefs and actions challenge him to take action in a way he never did before.

4) Arobin - This name is purely made up by me. Arobin began as Roan's enemy and murderer of one of his close friends. However, when he switches sides, he actually signifies a rebirth, both of the wicked into the pure, and Roan's past as an innocent child into the veteran he becomes. Basically, the way I saw it, when spring comes around people always shout "Look, a robin!" and point out the bird as the sign spring has come. I wanted his name to represent the same signal.

Here are a few quick meanings of several more characters...

Rand - "Shield". Serves as Roan's general in the west and personal melee guard
Sella - "Freedom". She represents the ability Roan wishes he had to live freely in the wilderness.
Meika - "Meek". She was a quiet desert-dweller who developed feelings for Roan which he reciprocated.
Kaelyn - "Beauty". Represented both physical and emotional beauty as a woman embittered by war but healing.
Travis - "Crossroads". It is with Travis that Roan's realm and the other realm intersect.
Tucker - "One who cleans cloth". A confusing one. He serves as the first of the new race of Steppers, essentially sifting out the old from the new.
Arri - "Lion". She is the first of the Steppers that vow allegiance to Roan despite it meaning they might be executed.

So that's how I choose names for my characters. It takes time and work but I love the names my characters are given. At least, after some editing. Some of these characters have been named and renamed. Aella was once Bridget and Rand was Raul. Other minor things also changed. The spelling was tweaked, etc, but in the end the names fit the characters and become something I feel deeply about.

Showing Character Development in Hidden Ways

It took a decent while but Book 4 is finally edited and finished. It clocked in at 302 pages, 195.5k words, and perhaps one of the best climaxes I've ever written. It was a fun book and I thoroughly enjoyed it. In the span of this novel, Roan has developed from an overwhelmed soldier into a seasoned leader and politician, realized the true, gritty depth of war, and come to terms with his role in it.

One of my proudest plot points in this book was showing the steady development of Roan being an at-ease, unpolished soldier and barely leader material into an experienced warrior and a leader willing to step up to the plate and take responsibility for his and his administration's faults.

In addition to the plots and dialogue, this was also demonstrated in a far less obvious way. The novel begins with Arobin first seeing Roan after a four-week separation and, by noting he wore a grey tee and unbuttoned flannel shirt, mentioning how he looked like any other kid off the street. In the first few chapters Roan stuck to wearing his flannel shirt and jeans. However, as both the story and Roan developed, he wore the flannel less and when he did wear it he wore it buttoned up. He occasionally reclaimed it and the comfort it provided by sleeping with a flannel blanket but eventually left behind this blanket as well.

In the final chapter, Roan is seen preparing a statement to the nations. Throughout this scene, Roan struggles to come to terms with the fact that he indeed screwed up as leader. As he reminds himself that one of the best qualities in a leader is the ability to admit fault and claim responsibility, he also slowly puts on the garments of a businessman. He buttons up his collared blue shirt, representing the boy who grew up with a blue-collared job turning into a white-collared professional. He then puts on his tie and ties it up, demonstrating his willingness to be tied down by his responsibility and duty to the nations. After a pause for dialogue, he then pulls on his suit jacket. This is the defining moment for Roan as he once in the past refused to dress up for any interviews. At this point in his job/life, Roan is willing to pull on the garb of the professional, figuratively stating that he is prepared to take on any punches the public or enemy might throw at him by wearing the armor he has learned to forge over the past year.

While that plot may seen unnoticeable to most readers, I find it's the little aspects like this that make a story credible and, in turn, make your main character relatable and realistic.

Book 5 'Storming

I'm still 60 pages shy of finishing the first round of edits in Book 4 but I'm already coming up with ideas for Book 5. I'm trying to hold off from making too many in-depth plans or putting anything to paper since I need to keep my head in Book 4 but the ideas I do have seem pretty promising.

For Book 4, the question I wanted posed to readers at the end was if Roan had known about BBG's plan at the beginning of the plot would he have done anything to prevent it? This was effectively brought up at the end of Book 4 and I think most readers will have problems answering this, mainly because of the difference between Roan at the beginning of the story and Roan at the end of the plot. Basically, Roan was so transformed by the events that transpired through the plot that he no longer had the boyish innocence he boasted at the beginning of the series. At this point in the books, he is embittered and jaded by the reality of war and the effects resulting from it. He has come to terms with the fact that he is no longer leading a resistance in just one country but is instead the mastermind behind a war where he struggles just to keep his nations alive while soldiers are being targeted behind every corner.

Book 5 is going to be a REALLY tough one to edit. I already ran through it once and rewrote it. The rewrite was actually a merger of two books that didn't have enough plots to stand alone. Aspects were added, characters were removed, some rewritten. Now that I'm revisiting it I realize that the characters I added in are terribly forced and don't fit the overall plot, which means they now must be removed, which means that I basically have to rewrite this story again. Keeping those characters merely provided a substantial arc and I really don't need an arc that large in the series when it will only be ending in two novels.

So I think I'll be removing the Narron/ninja theme in this book and instead replacing it with a plot entirely surrounding the Steppers. I feel like focusing on the Steppers will work so much better and would allow me to keep the second half of the Book 5 rewrite (the part that I really treasure) and also answer readers' questions about the Steppers. They haven't been investigated too deeply despite having their first appearance in Book 1. Book 2, Roan battled a Stepper and also acquired his Stepper captive Arobin. Book 3 has a little more Stepper action but they didn't become a big part of the series until the last book with Roan meeting Arobin's kid brother, Tuck, and learning that the Steppers are being genetically altered.

So I guess Book 5 will be surrounding this idea. I love the Steppers as a part of my writing universe. They are an enigma even I desperately want to know more about. Even my beta readers have requested more background on them. I'll drop a few Stepper names in the coming weeks as the characters become more three-dimensional.

In addition to the Stepper theme, I'm also looking forward to having two romance arcs in this book. Tuck, Arobin's kid brother, will be faced with getting back together with his ex while Roan, yes, our dear Roan Leah, will be meeting his flame. We will also be returning to the Shukara desert (where we haven't extensively traveled since Book 2) and meeting Rand and his beloved Sella, who is due to deliver her firstborn soon.

Since we will be returning to the Shukara it can be expected that there will be some extrinsic themes going on. Book 2 was a fiercely religious novel due to the religion of the extremist Ial and Kadinrail and this book will be dealing with something similar.

Which brings us back to the basic question of the novel. I don't officially have a plot for this book like I said but I do have ideas. One of which will bring our Serpent's Prophecy from Book 1 back to the spotlight as Roan is forced to choose between living as the Serpent from legends or the young man he feels challenged to be. It won't just be Roan who faces this though. Tuck, a couple new characters alongside the Stepper theme, and Roan's own team will be facing the reality of their fate. I guess the initial basic question of this novel is do we all have the freedom to select our own destinies or do we already have fates selected for us by the gods?

Brainstorming

I need to post here more often than just once a week!

I've decided that I'll try to find various aspects of writing, farming, and societal issues to talk about.

Basically, I'll just end up talking about writing just as much as I do now and neglect the other things.

But now that I think about it what are the aspects of writing that need to be addressed?

To the brainstorming lab!!!

Editing, Editing, and Some More Editing

I've been chipping away at Book 4 the last few days. I am now on page 141 of what is now 299 pages. There's not much to report on that front. Editing is a slow and tedious job. This book seems to have a lot more to edit than the other ones did. I think that stems from the fact that I tweaked with the intended plot when I got to the end and now things have to be adjusted to fit the result.

That only means more work!

 

My To-Edit List

I have a hefty sized list (pictured) that I have to pay attention to as I edit. Most of the parts on this list need to be added in while I write so it's taking some discipline to remember to check the list every couple chapters.

There's also an assortment of comments I'm leaving in the book itself to remind me to check back on it later. It could range from something that doesn't make sense at the moment (I need to check back at the end to make sure I explained it later) to events that need to be brought up later or got heavily editing and will affect the story later.

 

I seriously have no idea what's causing that portal to appear...Idea for Book 5 maybe?

I realized while reading today that the story really changes in tone by the time the ending comes around. This is supposed to happen with every story. Your character is supposed to change as the story progresses. The MC starts out with a flaw and that flaw has to be addressed and resolved by the end of the story.

I wrote this story with a definite flaw for Roan in mind but tried to avoid working too hard on showing its development as the story progressed. That really just makes it seem too forced to readers. Instead, I wrote by instinct and allowed the characters to emphasize his flaw and show me how it was resolved by the end. I've said it time and time again but characters really do come 'alive' in their behavior and tendencies. They can form a story and plot just as creatively as the writer can. Thanks to this, the end result was pretty impressive, at least from what I've read so far. I can clearly see a difference between the characters at the beginning and the characters at the end, especially Roan even though all the characters had their own flaw addressed.

More on that later. I need to try wrapping up this chapter before bed.

As my college english professor always said, you never fully finish editing a paper and when you think you have go over it again!

Life Update

Not much to report on the writing front at the moment. I took a couple days off after finishing Book 4 so I could recoup and distance myself from the story before jumping back in to edit. I am currently on pg 56 of 297 of editing and the story is getting a decent houseclean. I haven't actually started planning Book 5 but I do have a few ideas floating around in my head. I'll have a longer post about it later as I turn from editing to plotting. Until then, if anyone has good writing music consisting of theatrical or soundtracks, please pass them on as I am always looking for new tunes to write to, especially while planning a new book.

While in the middle of reducing the time I spent writing, I've turned my attention once again to my job search. I hope to have a job within the next couple months and find my own place by summer's arrival. I still have moments where I feel like a burden to my family and like a failure but I also realize that I am helping and making things somewhat easier for my lovely family.

The farm is well right now too. There are three happy kittens from the litter and our calf is free to graze during the daylight hours in a separate pasture where she stays with the pigs. Indy is a happy dog, of course. I haven't mentioned him on here in a while. Right now, he's definitely maturing out at the year and half mark and trying to find where he fits in as an adult dog instead of the pup he no longer is. He's working on a couple new manners and joyfully terrorizing the farm cats and Rocky.

Tonight is a hefty frost for the farm so here's to hoping most of the plants make it through the night!

Book 4's End

So Sunday turned out to be the lucky day for Book 4. It took well over 12 hours of off and on writing throughout the entire day but I managed to fly through the climax. I finished the epilogue today.

 

A slight chuckle at the beginning of the climax

 

I had a pretty decent outline to help me get through the entire chapter without missing vital points while also tying up all the major, and minor, plots I had floating around. I hit nearly all of them and that's quite an accomplishment for such a complicated story.

 Azira Raptoreye takes on Roan

The whole gist of this story was having all the mysteries and questions throughout the book pulled together at the end in a dramatic reveal. This meant that, unlike the past books, this book had nearly a dozen plots all coming together and forming one cohesive idea.

Basically, it consisted of these plots...

1) Why Roan has the powers he was given
2) Why did Arobin decide to bring Roan home to his ranch?
3) Tuck has unpredictable power that needs to be tamed
4) What is the connection between the break ins at all the plants on the east coast?
5) Why are the enemy plants suddenly increasing production of a volatile drug?
6) Why did Dugger try to assassinate Roan?
7) Is there a reason Arobin arranged for Zeus to join the ranch?
8) Will Roan learn to finally accept the results of a war by coming to terms with the deaths of his friends?
9) Why is Roan having dreams again?

Etc, Etc. This is as much as I can reveal without it giving away too much of the plot.

Try revealing all those plots to the reader in the final 30 or so pages of a book.

But back to the climax. It had a few really good parts where I'm impressed with the writing. It's different than what I'm used to putting on paper. It's getting far more serious as the war in the book progresses and pushes the characters to darken.

 

 Roan realizes he will never win over the entire public

The epilogue really reflected this. Book 1 lacked an epilogue while Book 2's was pretty optimistic in atmosphere. Book 3 still had an optimistic atmosphere but it also had tinges of regret and sadness in it as Roan came to terms with what happened with his foster family. Book 4 is a lot darker than the others. The events in the climax have forced Roan to set aside his child-like hopefulness and instead see the world around him as the harsh, dangerous place it is.

It didn't leave me with the warm, happy fuzzies the other endings did and for that reason I'm a little sad this book is over. I had the greatest time writing this book. I looked forward to it for years and it was just as I had imagined but now that it's over it seems rather surreal.

This is where editing comes in handy as I get to spend a couple weeks working out the kinks while slowly introducing myself to Book 5 and its plot. Hopefully, things lighten up soon enough. I already have a fun beginning in mind for it!

The final few sentences

The Downside to Farm Life: Saying Goodbye

Life on a farm is never easy. I think any farmer could tell you that. Luckily, I don't take care of all the responsibilities of the farm here. Everyone has a share in the chores. I rarely have to mess with plants and I'm okay with that. I hate plants, dirt, bugs, mud, and weeds.

What I can tolerate is animals. They make sense to me. Their lives are based around food, hormones, dominance, and instinct. An animal does something for a reason and, if someone is willing to watch, research, and learn, they can understand it in a way that will make sense to them. You can curb their behavior by providing them with the resources they need to thrive. An animal will listen to a human if a human is willing to listen to the animal.

What I can't understand is the death part of farm life. As a young girl, I swore to never take the life of another living creature. I took that promise to heart.

When I hit an animal while driving I always cry and say a prayer for them. When it comes time for a chicken to give up its life for us I always thank it. When another animal dies and I have to bag it I feel a sense of remorse and filthiness for putting it in a bag. I feel a creature should never be bagged like a sack of vegetables and shoved in a barrel only to be carted away to a dump for the afterlife.

But all those creatures died from something I understood. Running in front of a car, becoming a meal, weakness and whatnot. And they were all creatures humans typically don't bond with. While it's harsh, I don't think all lives have the same worth. A fuzzy worm on the road does not have the same value as a dog in the backyard.

What I cannot fathom is when a creature dies for no reason, especially when you can see the life and emotion in its existence. The little kitten I picked out upon the first day of its birth has been fighting for her life the last week. Every morning and every night I go out there and take care of the animals and check on the litter and each time I see her weaken. I watch her waste away while her littermates grow stronger. I see her cry and crawl and try with every ounce of strength she has left to just persevere.

A few days ago she seemed to be getting better or at least wasn't worsening. I thought she would make it. But this is a farm and our saying here is that everything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Tonight when I went out to check on her after chores she was letting out a desperate cry. When I looked at her she was lying on her back. After living on a farm long enough, you start to recognize the signs of a creature dying. You can tell when the life is leaving the flesh, and this kitten was near her end. She would not last the night.

When I picked her up she managed to curl up in a ball in my hands. I pet her head until she fell asleep in my hands.

And I started to bawl my eyes out.

I couldn't understand why she was dying. Why, out of all the kittens in that litter, did she have to be the one to die? She was supposed to live. She was supposed to get big and healthy and run around the farm and grow old chasing mice.

Instead, I was holding that tiny little life in my hands watching her take her final breaths. She fit in the palm of one hand. She could melt anyone that say her with that face. She was hand-crafted by God, raised by a mother that loved her, and adored. But she was still dying.

I'm sure there was some scientific reason for why she died but, looking down at this little warm fuzzball, I couldn't see it. All I saw was the life slipping from a creature while I held it. This was the first time I've been so close to death in something I adored.

Hours later and I'm still crying. This whole time I'm telling myself I'm 23. I shouldn't cry over kittens. I shouldn't cry over things like this.

I understand that there's a reason behind her death, both scientifically and spiritually. God has a plan that I don't understand until far after I want to know the reasoning. I still see the beauty in life even after witnessing death. That kitten cried and meowed before I picked her up. After I cradled her in my arms she fell asleep and no longer cried. I know she's an animal but I am one hundred percent confident that she stopped crying because she was safe. She was near something warm and comforting and was no longer afraid.

I held her until her momma came before placing her back with her. She slept against her momma's chest, silent and still, happily content against her.

And now I wonder how people can ever say a creature doesn't have a soul. A life that can touch another in such a profound way as that will never truly die. A life like that lives on forever.

The Build

Today is the day!

All signs point toward today being the day that I will finally wrap up Book 4. It's been nearly a week since I last wrote thanks to being at the climax of the story. I'm the type of writer that can't split a climax up over several days. I have to sit down and get it all out at once.

So when today came and I started going through my preparation routine, I knew it was here.

There are a few, slightly obsessive, behaviors I follow that prepare me for writing a hefty scene. Here they are.

*The night before a big write, I tend to have a revelation of sorts. Last night, that indeed did happen
*Wake up early feeling jittery
*The only thoughts in my head are about the scene that needs written
*Drive into town for a sweet tea
*Clean room
*Turn on every light in the room
*Turn on the Battle Scene playlist, headphones, and fingers on keyboard

Now let's see if the words flow out as fast as I want them to.

The Final scene before the climax chapter

A Jumbled Mess

That's how my mind feels right now. It's not making any sense at all.

For your sake I'll try to sum up.

I'm writing the build to the climax in the book so I guess it would be the crisis' denouement. As a writer, I know it's expected that there be loose ends at the end of each novel and that eventually the book itself will show us how our loose plots come together.

But wow...

I never knew it could be this shocking. I've worked 250ish pages on a plot I thought I had figured out. I thought I knew how it was going to end.

And then this happens.

And this is brilliant. As in breathtakingly stunning. I didn't think there was a religious plot in this story. There was a nice little mention at one point but we've handled religion two books ago and I had no intent on addressing it again.

However, when Roan decided in Book 3 that he and God were on bad terms, he decided he wanted to address this in Book 4, despite my intentions to leave it alone. There was only a couple fleeting mentions of religion in this book so far but now at this point it seems like religion has slipped its way back into the story by orchestrating all the events until now.

And oh.my.god. It's amazing how well it came together.

Everything really. I was writing all these plot points and factoring in so many little details just thinking they were typical mentions in the book. There was an overarcing connection between a few points but not to this degree. Things I wrote, just a sentence here or there, mentions and side observations, nothing serious at all, TURNED OUT TO BE THE MAIN PLOT and it's so epic that I can't even really fathom it. I never intended for it to work like this but it did.

And now the book is perfect. The ending is beautiful, flowing, gorgeous, poetic. All I needed was just a little faith in the words I was guided to write and I would eventually find out what they meant. This is art.