Hell, yeah, it's November, baby!
Well, almost November but by the time I wake up it will be! This means I've survived two of the longest months in the school year (besides April) and I now have only like 18 days of school left. That means only 1.5 months of this semester. That means only a few weeks until I'm done with classes.
That means only six months left in this god-forsaken house with god-forsaken roommates in a god-forsaken town.
It's kind of sad that I count down the months, weeks, days, hours of my future but when you're as unhappy as me it's unavoidable. I am so psyched. I can find my own home (or move in with a sib/mom) in only a few months, get a dog, get a job, and get a life.
And I'll only have to have one job in a few months! Not three! I don't think I could be as excited as I am right now!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The First Hurdle
I am now only a few days away from starting Book 3. I can feel it in my bones and I'm totally excited. The hardest part now? Picking the title.
I've always had problems picking a title for my papers and articles. In school, when I'm turning in an objective paper I don't spend that much time on picking the title. They basically just get titled by the assignment. But for essays, term papers, and finals, I tend to spend more time on the title, introduction, and conclusion than I do on the body of the paper. I find sometimes that it's easier to just write the paper before making the title.
But with a book this can be difficult. I have dozens of files titled beginning Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, etc, because I'm always making notes, maps, or reminders about that specific book. So I tend to want to pick out my book title before I actually start writing the book. And so my dilemma for Book 3 begins here. I wanted to capture some of the wonder the original title of Book 3 had but since I'm essentially taking out the plot that title was based off of it wouldn't make much since to keep it.
There are a few things writers should keep in mind when selecting a new title....
It's hard to place more importance on one tip over another but I would have to say that keeping it simple is vital. You don't need something amazingly complicated for a title, especially for a fiction book.
Next, it needs to capture the essence of the book. The title must have wording that carries positive connotation and leaves a feeling with a reader that will encourage them to read on.
However, capturing the essence of the book doesn't mean that the title must encompass everything within the book. The title can refer to something as small as just a sentence in the book. For example, a book titled The Beat of Courage can follow the story of an athlete who practices and increases his sporting performance through many personal hardships, but the title may refer to the moment at the end of the book when the athlete listens to a song on the way to his final track meet and that song gives him courage.
Another part of picking a title is that it hasn't been used before. Now, this is easier said than done. Obviously, there have been thousands of books over the years and any writer is bound to come up with a title that has been used in the past. The only thing the writer can do is hope their title hasn't been made famous before. Then they can go ahead and use the title. Just be mindful that you're sharing a title with someone else and, therefore, it may not entirely be yours.
Of course, all these tips are basically useless for a writer because it's the publisher who's making the final choice on title. Writers may swear up and down by a title and feel like it's the perfect one. But if they intend on getting published, they have to be willing to give up that title. The publisher is the one who professionally pitches and sells books and they ultimately know best. Besides, wouldn't the writer rather have the content of their book be the focus of it, not the title?
That's why even when I'm trying to pick out a title, I don't give it so much thought that I become attached to it. Yes, I love seeing that title in my documents list or on paper and I do become rather fond of it but I'm willing to give it up. I try to see the title as a mere convenience. It's just there for me to enjoy until it comes time for the world to see it.
Right now, I have 5 ideas for Book 3's title and only 2 are actually promising. In my mind, I'm already referring to it by one of the titles so I think that may end up being the winning option.
I've always had problems picking a title for my papers and articles. In school, when I'm turning in an objective paper I don't spend that much time on picking the title. They basically just get titled by the assignment. But for essays, term papers, and finals, I tend to spend more time on the title, introduction, and conclusion than I do on the body of the paper. I find sometimes that it's easier to just write the paper before making the title.
But with a book this can be difficult. I have dozens of files titled beginning Book 1, Book 2, Book 3, etc, because I'm always making notes, maps, or reminders about that specific book. So I tend to want to pick out my book title before I actually start writing the book. And so my dilemma for Book 3 begins here. I wanted to capture some of the wonder the original title of Book 3 had but since I'm essentially taking out the plot that title was based off of it wouldn't make much since to keep it.
There are a few things writers should keep in mind when selecting a new title....
It's hard to place more importance on one tip over another but I would have to say that keeping it simple is vital. You don't need something amazingly complicated for a title, especially for a fiction book.
Next, it needs to capture the essence of the book. The title must have wording that carries positive connotation and leaves a feeling with a reader that will encourage them to read on.
However, capturing the essence of the book doesn't mean that the title must encompass everything within the book. The title can refer to something as small as just a sentence in the book. For example, a book titled The Beat of Courage can follow the story of an athlete who practices and increases his sporting performance through many personal hardships, but the title may refer to the moment at the end of the book when the athlete listens to a song on the way to his final track meet and that song gives him courage.
Another part of picking a title is that it hasn't been used before. Now, this is easier said than done. Obviously, there have been thousands of books over the years and any writer is bound to come up with a title that has been used in the past. The only thing the writer can do is hope their title hasn't been made famous before. Then they can go ahead and use the title. Just be mindful that you're sharing a title with someone else and, therefore, it may not entirely be yours.
Of course, all these tips are basically useless for a writer because it's the publisher who's making the final choice on title. Writers may swear up and down by a title and feel like it's the perfect one. But if they intend on getting published, they have to be willing to give up that title. The publisher is the one who professionally pitches and sells books and they ultimately know best. Besides, wouldn't the writer rather have the content of their book be the focus of it, not the title?
That's why even when I'm trying to pick out a title, I don't give it so much thought that I become attached to it. Yes, I love seeing that title in my documents list or on paper and I do become rather fond of it but I'm willing to give it up. I try to see the title as a mere convenience. It's just there for me to enjoy until it comes time for the world to see it.
Right now, I have 5 ideas for Book 3's title and only 2 are actually promising. In my mind, I'm already referring to it by one of the titles so I think that may end up being the winning option.
No more naps. Coupled with my chronic insomnia, naps are killing me. I think I got four 4 hours of sleep last night. My goal today is to get a bunch of errands done and avoid naps at all costs.
I didn't think it would ever come to this but I almost miss my overwhelming amounts of homework. At least it kept me awake.
I didn't think it would ever come to this but I almost miss my overwhelming amounts of homework. At least it kept me awake.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Slowly but Surely
This last week all I've been able to think about is my book. I gave up reading the Hidden Book just because it was really elementary and silly. When I went back to Book 2 I found it just as boring as the Hidden Book. I'll probably stick with it a couple more days just for the sake of updating myself on the story but all I can think about is Book 3.
I have the first third of the book outlined to the detail (it's only lacking the dialogue) so I think the foundation is set for the rest. I want to keep my options open for the rest of the book in case I have to change things or want to add or take away plots. It already looks like one plot will have to be entirely cut just because it makes no sense whatsoever.
I just have to do a bit more research and think up a title since the old one wouldn't work with the new plot but I think I'm only just a few days from beginning the book, especially with the laid-back schedule I now have with school. I'm so excited that I can barely focus on my homework or schoolwork! I love this feeling of overwhelming anticipation :)
I have the first third of the book outlined to the detail (it's only lacking the dialogue) so I think the foundation is set for the rest. I want to keep my options open for the rest of the book in case I have to change things or want to add or take away plots. It already looks like one plot will have to be entirely cut just because it makes no sense whatsoever.
I just have to do a bit more research and think up a title since the old one wouldn't work with the new plot but I think I'm only just a few days from beginning the book, especially with the laid-back schedule I now have with school. I'm so excited that I can barely focus on my homework or schoolwork! I love this feeling of overwhelming anticipation :)
Mode: Shut Down
I've been in exhaustion mode since the weekend. I slept 11 hours Saturday night, 9 hours Sunday night, 4 hours Monday afternoon, 9 hours last night, and I have a feeling I'll take a long nap today.
I hate wasting time sleeping but my body is slowly but surely dying from lack of rest.
I hate wasting time sleeping but my body is slowly but surely dying from lack of rest.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I Love Love, I Love Being In Love
Those are the lyrics from a song I particularly enjoy and, while the song is about being romantically in love with someone, I'm in love in a different fashion. I love a life I'm looking forward to and only catch fleeting glimpses of. There's the usual life I have at my house; a life full of school, work, teaching, bills, responsibility, and burdens. It's the life I hate.
Then there's the life I'm in love with. It's a life where I strive to do the most to help those around me. It's a life where I can have responsibilities all day long and feel content enough to fall asleep early in the evening. It's full of fun, family, and freedom. I still deal with my responsibilities and I still have to do things I may not like (cleaning up barf/waking up early) but it's a different sense of commitment. It leaves me with feelings of happiness and moments of warmth. I commit everything to memory because I always want to be able to remember those moments where it's all perfect.
I was getting ready for bed over the weekend and standing next to my 5-year-old niece at the sink. We were just chatting, talking about hairstyles, earrings, school, and how terrible her brothers are. While I was washing my face she turned to me, grinned, and said, "That stuff smells good," in her strange little accent. Tonight, back at my house, I was getting ready for bed and remembered her comment and grinned.
It's memories like that and long weekends of fun that remind me what I'm working towards. Even if this life, the one in ye olde Anderson, is taking longer than I expected, I know there's a life outside this one that I can look forward to. In a few months I'll find more contentment and rest and if it takes a few months of suffering to get there then so be it. Because, in the end, all I really want is to be in love with my life :)
Then there's the life I'm in love with. It's a life where I strive to do the most to help those around me. It's a life where I can have responsibilities all day long and feel content enough to fall asleep early in the evening. It's full of fun, family, and freedom. I still deal with my responsibilities and I still have to do things I may not like (cleaning up barf/waking up early) but it's a different sense of commitment. It leaves me with feelings of happiness and moments of warmth. I commit everything to memory because I always want to be able to remember those moments where it's all perfect.
I was getting ready for bed over the weekend and standing next to my 5-year-old niece at the sink. We were just chatting, talking about hairstyles, earrings, school, and how terrible her brothers are. While I was washing my face she turned to me, grinned, and said, "That stuff smells good," in her strange little accent. Tonight, back at my house, I was getting ready for bed and remembered her comment and grinned.
It's memories like that and long weekends of fun that remind me what I'm working towards. Even if this life, the one in ye olde Anderson, is taking longer than I expected, I know there's a life outside this one that I can look forward to. In a few months I'll find more contentment and rest and if it takes a few months of suffering to get there then so be it. Because, in the end, all I really want is to be in love with my life :)
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Hidden Book
So I've got 5 books I want to get published one day. Those are the books I always talk about. My Fire of the Heart series. I finished editing Book 2 again and I think this will be the last time I go all the way through it. Since I'm still working out a few details for Book 3 and life is a bit too busy to start it just yet, I decided to crack open the Palm Tree Chest.
Yes, the Palm Tree Chest. It has its own capitalized name. This is the chest I keep all of my most private and top secret writings and journals. I rarely venture into the chest. It's kind of like Pandora's Box. Once it's open, there's no going back.
But today I cleared all the junk I set on top it and unlocked it, releasing from the confines stale air and thick dust. Within it, I rediscovered The Hidden Book.
This book was my attempt at writing after I finished my beloved Fire of the Heart series. It was a set of two and a half books. Book 1 of that set was...interesting. Book 2 wasn't half bad. The problem was I knew I was never going to publish the books and just wrote them for my own pleasure. They're poorly written, have more plot holes than swiss cheese, and can barely hold their own for more than two chapters. Compared to my FOH series, they were dreadful.
But they're my guilty pleasure. I read them maybe once or twice a year (compared to the weekly readings of FOH). I guess while I'm working on Book 3, I'll read The Hidden Book before I go to sleep each night. Gotta love the life of a struggling writer :)
Yes, the Palm Tree Chest. It has its own capitalized name. This is the chest I keep all of my most private and top secret writings and journals. I rarely venture into the chest. It's kind of like Pandora's Box. Once it's open, there's no going back.
But today I cleared all the junk I set on top it and unlocked it, releasing from the confines stale air and thick dust. Within it, I rediscovered The Hidden Book.
This book was my attempt at writing after I finished my beloved Fire of the Heart series. It was a set of two and a half books. Book 1 of that set was...interesting. Book 2 wasn't half bad. The problem was I knew I was never going to publish the books and just wrote them for my own pleasure. They're poorly written, have more plot holes than swiss cheese, and can barely hold their own for more than two chapters. Compared to my FOH series, they were dreadful.
But they're my guilty pleasure. I read them maybe once or twice a year (compared to the weekly readings of FOH). I guess while I'm working on Book 3, I'll read The Hidden Book before I go to sleep each night. Gotta love the life of a struggling writer :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
When I'm overwhelmed I say...
God will provide, patience will pay off, and faith will be your strength.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Briefest Breath
With a life as ridiculously out of control and busy as mine I struggle to find chances to just relax and ponder the world around me. School is calming down a bit now, yet I feel equally as busy. I got word today that I have to come up with nearly two thousand dollars in order to come back to school next semester. With it being my last semester, I definitely need to be back here and, to be honest, I don't have the money. Paying rent, utilities, gas, car maintenance, and everything else that pops up in life doesn't leave much left over. I also had to buy a laptop this week because my old one died so I'm lower on funds than is usual.
I know the Lord will provide for me so, unlike last year when this happened, I didn't break down in tears and hate my life. Well, I did hate on my life for a while but when does that not happen? :) Instead of sobbing and whining, I reminded myself of what I truly have in life and what it is I'm striving to perfect. I have a wonderful family, a niece that adores me, nephews who think their aunt is pretty darn cool, and wonderful siblings and mother. I still have exceptional health. I still have a warm (relatively) house, a comfy bed, and schoolmates and teachers who care for me.
It's the moments where all this settles in and I get a chance to sit down and breathe that I strive for. I have a chance to remember what I've been blessed with. It seems in those few minutes where I remind myself of these things that the world around me seems to slow down, I feel warm and comforted and safe, and there is a golden future ahead of me. It's in those moments, despite how brief they may be, that I relish in the contentment and happiness I so actively pursue.
I know the Lord will provide for me so, unlike last year when this happened, I didn't break down in tears and hate my life. Well, I did hate on my life for a while but when does that not happen? :) Instead of sobbing and whining, I reminded myself of what I truly have in life and what it is I'm striving to perfect. I have a wonderful family, a niece that adores me, nephews who think their aunt is pretty darn cool, and wonderful siblings and mother. I still have exceptional health. I still have a warm (relatively) house, a comfy bed, and schoolmates and teachers who care for me.
It's the moments where all this settles in and I get a chance to sit down and breathe that I strive for. I have a chance to remember what I've been blessed with. It seems in those few minutes where I remind myself of these things that the world around me seems to slow down, I feel warm and comforted and safe, and there is a golden future ahead of me. It's in those moments, despite how brief they may be, that I relish in the contentment and happiness I so actively pursue.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Roommates
Why the hell do people have to do their laundry once a week?
Seriously, is there something that vital in their laundry bag that they really must wash each week? A lucky pair of undies? A black top that simply goes with every outfit? Or is it that once they have ten pairs of socks left in their drawer, it's desperately necessary to wash the five in the basket?
I'm going to lose it. It's going to build up and I'll snap. One day, I'll be curled up in the corner of my room, rocking back and forth, sobbing and crying and repeating to myself that I only have seven months left. Just seven months...Just seven more.
I should also add that I know I'm not the easiest to live along with. I'm sure the fact that I don't clean the bathroom ever annoys people. I know there has to be more about me that drives people crazy. But for Pete's sake, must one really wash their laundry every week?
I blame the fact that they don't pay the bills and their parents do. Fail.
Seriously, is there something that vital in their laundry bag that they really must wash each week? A lucky pair of undies? A black top that simply goes with every outfit? Or is it that once they have ten pairs of socks left in their drawer, it's desperately necessary to wash the five in the basket?
I'm going to lose it. It's going to build up and I'll snap. One day, I'll be curled up in the corner of my room, rocking back and forth, sobbing and crying and repeating to myself that I only have seven months left. Just seven months...Just seven more.
I should also add that I know I'm not the easiest to live along with. I'm sure the fact that I don't clean the bathroom ever annoys people. I know there has to be more about me that drives people crazy. But for Pete's sake, must one really wash their laundry every week?
I blame the fact that they don't pay the bills and their parents do. Fail.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Nightly Prayer
Dear God, grant me the strength and patience to overcome this year. I'm struggling more so than usual and I'm fully aware of this. I wish I could change it. Every day I wish it were different. I'm trying to do what's right but there are times where I can barely do what's required of me to survive a day. I don't have the courage to be assertive and explain what's bothering me to those around me. Other times I can't shut my mouth long enough to hear your words.
Today, I struggled with bitterness and pride. I fought to overcome my emotions when I spitefully hated those who were once close to me. I push my loved ones away because I despise them for what they have been given and what I envy. I know this is a fault of mine. I am often bitter and it a great obstacle I struggle to overcome.
Perhaps tomorrow will be different. Perhaps tomorrow I will have the strength to make the change I so desire to see in my life. No matter what, tomorrow is another chance to see the sun rise and affect my future. After all, that is the greatest gift a god could give.
Amen.
Today, I struggled with bitterness and pride. I fought to overcome my emotions when I spitefully hated those who were once close to me. I push my loved ones away because I despise them for what they have been given and what I envy. I know this is a fault of mine. I am often bitter and it a great obstacle I struggle to overcome.
Perhaps tomorrow will be different. Perhaps tomorrow I will have the strength to make the change I so desire to see in my life. No matter what, tomorrow is another chance to see the sun rise and affect my future. After all, that is the greatest gift a god could give.
Amen.
Monday, October 11, 2010
The Exodus
Today was a struggle for me. I spent the weekend at home with my wonderful family. I didn't work, I didn't worry over homework, and I spent most of the time having fun with my niece and nephews. I really needed the time off from life in Anderson but, as always, I knew returning to AU would be troublesome. I hate coming back to this town after staying at home. It's like a crash course in reality. On one hand there's rest and relaxation while on the other is hardship and distress.
In order to better cope with this transition and the coming month before I can spend another weekend at home, I decided I would read a few passages from the Bible and seek strength and inspiration from there. I've always loved the story of Moses and the Israelites and started there. It's the first time ever that I've actually read Exodus and not just heard the story through movie or discussion and I have to say it's a really complex passage.
Most people focus on the plagues or God's seemingly callous approach to his punishments. I feel like I grew up hearing about how important it was to do what God wanted you to in order to avoid punishments like the plagues. While reading through it today, I realized Exodus has another aspect to it. It's about the glory of God and how strongly we, as believers, are called to have faith in him.
One passage that truly affected me was Chapter 4: 11,
"Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and teach you what to say."
This passage just demonstrates how powerful God really is. Moses doubted God's ability to convince the people of his glory. God reminds Moses that it is he who created the world and who has power over everything that happens within it. He has the power to change people's beliefs, appearances, and lives. After all, it is God who created the deaf and mute. He created the extremists, the nonbelievers, the world that surrounds us, the autistic, and the gifted. It is he who has complete control over the nations and civilizations.
This passage also captures the calling for faith that God asks us all to have. Moses not only doubted God's power but he also doubted his wisdom. He questioned God's decision in picking him to lead the Israelites from Egypt. He was sure God had picked the wrong man because of Moses' lack of social and speech skills. But God revealed that his doubt was in vain. He knew Moses. A matter of fact, he created Moses, just as he created the lame and broken.
All throughout Exodus, this issue of doubt arises again and again. Moses doubts that God will convince Pharaoh to let his people go. The Israelites doubt that Moses knows what he is doing when they leave Egypt; they even doubt God's ability to lead them through the Red Sea. Often times, historians and Christians focus too much on the aspect of doubt from Exodus and not enough on faith. It is faith that God repeatedly calls us to have in his decisions. The humans are rash and anxious to see change immediately. When God delays his actions, he wishes his believers only have faith and wait to see change. With constant faith in God, the Israelites would, in time, see that he truly knew what he was doing.
This book is very important to me because of this calling for faith. At this point in my life, I, like the Israelites, anxiously look for change around me. I want my life to improve in only a few days. I want more security, more happiness. When it appears this isn't happening in the span I want it to, I grow restless. I doubt my faith and God and wonder why change isn't taking place. I struggle with having faith so much right now that it's nearly a daily battle.
But, just as it's a daily battle, it's also a daily opportunity for me to reevaluate my life and realize that God is doing what he needs to in order to develop me as a respectable believer and citizen. When I start to get restless and wonder when things will change, I remind myself to have patience; God will reveal his plans for me when the time is ideal for him, not for me. Until then, I must only wait and pray for enlightenment.
In order to better cope with this transition and the coming month before I can spend another weekend at home, I decided I would read a few passages from the Bible and seek strength and inspiration from there. I've always loved the story of Moses and the Israelites and started there. It's the first time ever that I've actually read Exodus and not just heard the story through movie or discussion and I have to say it's a really complex passage.
Most people focus on the plagues or God's seemingly callous approach to his punishments. I feel like I grew up hearing about how important it was to do what God wanted you to in order to avoid punishments like the plagues. While reading through it today, I realized Exodus has another aspect to it. It's about the glory of God and how strongly we, as believers, are called to have faith in him.
One passage that truly affected me was Chapter 4: 11,
"Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and teach you what to say."
This passage just demonstrates how powerful God really is. Moses doubted God's ability to convince the people of his glory. God reminds Moses that it is he who created the world and who has power over everything that happens within it. He has the power to change people's beliefs, appearances, and lives. After all, it is God who created the deaf and mute. He created the extremists, the nonbelievers, the world that surrounds us, the autistic, and the gifted. It is he who has complete control over the nations and civilizations.This passage also captures the calling for faith that God asks us all to have. Moses not only doubted God's power but he also doubted his wisdom. He questioned God's decision in picking him to lead the Israelites from Egypt. He was sure God had picked the wrong man because of Moses' lack of social and speech skills. But God revealed that his doubt was in vain. He knew Moses. A matter of fact, he created Moses, just as he created the lame and broken.
All throughout Exodus, this issue of doubt arises again and again. Moses doubts that God will convince Pharaoh to let his people go. The Israelites doubt that Moses knows what he is doing when they leave Egypt; they even doubt God's ability to lead them through the Red Sea. Often times, historians and Christians focus too much on the aspect of doubt from Exodus and not enough on faith. It is faith that God repeatedly calls us to have in his decisions. The humans are rash and anxious to see change immediately. When God delays his actions, he wishes his believers only have faith and wait to see change. With constant faith in God, the Israelites would, in time, see that he truly knew what he was doing.
This book is very important to me because of this calling for faith. At this point in my life, I, like the Israelites, anxiously look for change around me. I want my life to improve in only a few days. I want more security, more happiness. When it appears this isn't happening in the span I want it to, I grow restless. I doubt my faith and God and wonder why change isn't taking place. I struggle with having faith so much right now that it's nearly a daily battle.
But, just as it's a daily battle, it's also a daily opportunity for me to reevaluate my life and realize that God is doing what he needs to in order to develop me as a respectable believer and citizen. When I start to get restless and wonder when things will change, I remind myself to have patience; God will reveal his plans for me when the time is ideal for him, not for me. Until then, I must only wait and pray for enlightenment.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Trends
Last year during October's Breast Cancer Awareness Month, people all over Facebook started posting things like "Blue", "Green", and "Polka Dots with Bears and Beavers". For a while, people were like wtf...Even I was stumped until I googled the damn thing. That's when I realized that they were promoting breast cancer awareness through their statuses and revealing what color bra they were wearing. At the time, I thought "Awe, that's cute and, yet, lame" and moved on.
Today, it began again. Like that damn time of the month every woman dreads. Or like the test that's coming or presentation that you've been avoiding for weeks until the day before it's due. With great unease, I saw it and realized before I even googled it what it meant.
Women are now posting "I like it on the desk", "I like it on the floor", and "I like it near the window". No, this isn't about sex, kinky operations, or hinky hijinks. It's about where they like their purse.
Because where you place your purse raises awareness of breast cancer and promotes actively searching for a cure.
Where the hell do purses even connect with breast cancer?
This year, I find it, to put it in the simplest terms, lame. Where you put your purse does nothing for breast cancer. If anything, you're wasting time and trying to look stupid. You're a hipster and that's the saddest thing you could ever be besides a Twilight fan.
Some people actually make donations to breast cancer research. That dollar or pocket change may not look like much but it helps. At least, it helps more than where you place your purse.
So, for once, let's try to not be hipsters and put our actions -and money- where our mouth is.
Today, it began again. Like that damn time of the month every woman dreads. Or like the test that's coming or presentation that you've been avoiding for weeks until the day before it's due. With great unease, I saw it and realized before I even googled it what it meant.
Women are now posting "I like it on the desk", "I like it on the floor", and "I like it near the window". No, this isn't about sex, kinky operations, or hinky hijinks. It's about where they like their purse.
Because where you place your purse raises awareness of breast cancer and promotes actively searching for a cure.
Where the hell do purses even connect with breast cancer?
This year, I find it, to put it in the simplest terms, lame. Where you put your purse does nothing for breast cancer. If anything, you're wasting time and trying to look stupid. You're a hipster and that's the saddest thing you could ever be besides a Twilight fan.
Some people actually make donations to breast cancer research. That dollar or pocket change may not look like much but it helps. At least, it helps more than where you place your purse.
So, for once, let's try to not be hipsters and put our actions -and money- where our mouth is.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Limbo
I feel out of sorts with the world around me. It's hard to put into words what I'm feeling but, as part of the survival process, I feel it's necessary to get it off my chest. The last few days have been considerably slow compared to the first month of school but I still feel like I'm drowning under all my responsibilities. I feel like I'm caught between lives, in a way.
Part of me feels like running around stressed is what I should be doing. When I have time to relax, I don't know what to do and feel guilty for not working. When I'm with friends, I feel guilty for not doing homework but when I'm doing homework I feel guilty for not hanging out with friends. When I'm in class, I feel like I'm so close to finishing my school term but when I'm at home I feel like it could never come faster. Everything feels wrong because of this. My life doesn't feel like my own. It's as if I'm in someone's shoes and living their life while mine is only waiting for me on another day. Each night, I go to sleep expecting to wake up and find things magically better. When it's not, I wander about my day, meeting one deadline then another, struggling to understand what it is I'm missing while fighting to fulfill all these expectations.
It's like I'm being stretched ten different ways. Everyone wants a part of Bekah. They want her over here in class learning, over there teaching, working in this place, studying over there, hanging out over here, talking with her or him. Each time a new part of me gets stretched out to meet another deadline, another part looses part of the blood rushing to it. Soon, there will be too many pulls and tugs and the body will snap.
It still hasn't hit depression yet but it's barely above it. I have to sit myself down sometimes and remind myself to stay calm and logical. I feel like crying but when it gets that bad, I call a sibling and rant. I'm worried I don't have what it takes to be a teacher. I worry I don't have what it takes to work full-time, go to class full-time, finish all my homework, and still have a few minutes to read or write leisurely. These last two weeks were the first times I've seriously considered taking a semester off school. When I was younger, I always told myself that when things got so stressful that I considered dropping school, it was necessary to make changes.
Yet, where do I make change? In work hours? In class hours? In family hours?
Part of me feels like running around stressed is what I should be doing. When I have time to relax, I don't know what to do and feel guilty for not working. When I'm with friends, I feel guilty for not doing homework but when I'm doing homework I feel guilty for not hanging out with friends. When I'm in class, I feel like I'm so close to finishing my school term but when I'm at home I feel like it could never come faster. Everything feels wrong because of this. My life doesn't feel like my own. It's as if I'm in someone's shoes and living their life while mine is only waiting for me on another day. Each night, I go to sleep expecting to wake up and find things magically better. When it's not, I wander about my day, meeting one deadline then another, struggling to understand what it is I'm missing while fighting to fulfill all these expectations.
It's like I'm being stretched ten different ways. Everyone wants a part of Bekah. They want her over here in class learning, over there teaching, working in this place, studying over there, hanging out over here, talking with her or him. Each time a new part of me gets stretched out to meet another deadline, another part looses part of the blood rushing to it. Soon, there will be too many pulls and tugs and the body will snap.
It still hasn't hit depression yet but it's barely above it. I have to sit myself down sometimes and remind myself to stay calm and logical. I feel like crying but when it gets that bad, I call a sibling and rant. I'm worried I don't have what it takes to be a teacher. I worry I don't have what it takes to work full-time, go to class full-time, finish all my homework, and still have a few minutes to read or write leisurely. These last two weeks were the first times I've seriously considered taking a semester off school. When I was younger, I always told myself that when things got so stressful that I considered dropping school, it was necessary to make changes.
Yet, where do I make change? In work hours? In class hours? In family hours?
Things I Say To Myself On a Nearly Daily Basis
1) Getting up at 7am isn't really that bad. You could always have it worse.
2) Getting up at 6am isn't really that bad. You could always have it worse.
3) Eat the last of the food in the pantry even if it means eating stale, moldy food.
4) Saving money is important. We want a dog and an apartment next summer.
5) If you don't do your homework now, you'll only regret it later when you're rushing to finish it.
6) Don't get anymore tattoos/piercings.
7) Staying up late is for partiers, druggies, crazies, and college kids. I like being asleep by 11pm.
8) Don't forget to eat at least 2.5 meals today.
9) Pee at least 5 times each day but spend no more than 2 minutes in the bathroom. You don't have the time.
10) Heat is for the weak. Cold makes you strong, especially 39 degree nights.
11) Having a wrecked car isn't all that bad. It only shows how seasoned and apt to survival you are. Just like scars and Bear Grylls.
12) Just smile, breathe, and remind yourself what you do have in life.
13) Someone always has it worse. You only have it this way for a couple more months.
2) Getting up at 6am isn't really that bad. You could always have it worse.
3) Eat the last of the food in the pantry even if it means eating stale, moldy food.
4) Saving money is important. We want a dog and an apartment next summer.
5) If you don't do your homework now, you'll only regret it later when you're rushing to finish it.
6) Don't get anymore tattoos/piercings.
7) Staying up late is for partiers, druggies, crazies, and college kids. I like being asleep by 11pm.
8) Don't forget to eat at least 2.5 meals today.
9) Pee at least 5 times each day but spend no more than 2 minutes in the bathroom. You don't have the time.
10) Heat is for the weak. Cold makes you strong, especially 39 degree nights.
11) Having a wrecked car isn't all that bad. It only shows how seasoned and apt to survival you are. Just like scars and Bear Grylls.
12) Just smile, breathe, and remind yourself what you do have in life.
13) Someone always has it worse. You only have it this way for a couple more months.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Preparing for Book 3
In preparation for Book 3, I had to go back over the past two books and reread and edit them. There were a few things that needed to be cleared up and I wanted to be extra prepared for whenever I started Book 3. One of the bigger preparations that goes into starting the next book was trying to make the time line seem logical and reasonable. I began mapping out Book 2's journey and finished that up pretty fast. It was when I pulled out my map from 10 years ago for Book 1 that I realized I was in trouble.
Just as an idea of how bad it was, I'll tell you that I had drawn pretty much all my rivers flowing north.
Rivers flowing north.
Unless every river in my books magically turned into the Nile or defeated gravity, I'm pretty sure I got screwed over by 11-year-old me. I had to practically redo Book 1's map because it honestly made no sense. By the time I redid the map and got it on paper, I once again realized I had been screwed over by 20-year-old and 21-year-old me. According to the newly redone map, my time line for Book 1 was off. Dreadfully off. By maybe two weeks.
So, instilled with this dramatic realization that I'm a terrible writer, I went back over Book 1 and rewrote most of it so I could fix the time line. It's a rather sad attempt at fixing something and I have a feeling I'll be rewriting the entire book in a few years once I attempt to get published.
I'm now reviewing Book 2 again but I think I've gone over it too many times. I think I've read it so often that I can't read it much more. This can only mean that Book 3 is nearing. I'm not ready for it yet. I think I've got the second half figured out but I'm still struggling on creating a start and the first half. Hopefully, I'll find some ideas soon though because I'm very excited about it and I really want to jump into something fun and challenging.
Just as an idea of how bad it was, I'll tell you that I had drawn pretty much all my rivers flowing north.
Rivers flowing north.
Unless every river in my books magically turned into the Nile or defeated gravity, I'm pretty sure I got screwed over by 11-year-old me. I had to practically redo Book 1's map because it honestly made no sense. By the time I redid the map and got it on paper, I once again realized I had been screwed over by 20-year-old and 21-year-old me. According to the newly redone map, my time line for Book 1 was off. Dreadfully off. By maybe two weeks.
So, instilled with this dramatic realization that I'm a terrible writer, I went back over Book 1 and rewrote most of it so I could fix the time line. It's a rather sad attempt at fixing something and I have a feeling I'll be rewriting the entire book in a few years once I attempt to get published.
I'm now reviewing Book 2 again but I think I've gone over it too many times. I think I've read it so often that I can't read it much more. This can only mean that Book 3 is nearing. I'm not ready for it yet. I think I've got the second half figured out but I'm still struggling on creating a start and the first half. Hopefully, I'll find some ideas soon though because I'm very excited about it and I really want to jump into something fun and challenging.
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